in your prescence, there is peace

Healing is not always a single ‘moment’. 

I feel like for some time I was waiting for some radical change, grand revelation, reassurance, or even just confirmation that I am whole and healed. 

I was feeling like I had to reach a point where I put my feet on the ground every morning thinking “okay, this is me, this is what I do. I have reason and purpose. I don’t have questions about anything. I know who I am, and I’m good.”

I was waiting for some sort of acknowledgment, or the lighting of a match almost. A fire within me that would blind me from the fear and anxiety that crippled my mind. 

I was just thinking that through the healing process,  “I’m not enough right now.”

“My heart is not in a place for new things, yet.”

Thinking “I am waiting to reach a point where I know that things are different.” The “Aha!” moment. I’ll just wake up one morning and I’ll hit the ground running. 

It wasn’t news to me that I was broken. I felt broken and I knew of the tainted areas in my life that God had washed away. But I didn’t know (and don’t ever need to know) the answer to everything. My mind was occupied by all the wrongs and I felt like I deserved to feel bad for sometime. I was torn with condemnation. 

God doesn’t owe me anything. No insight or glimpses into the plan He has for me. Even if I have to go my whole life trusting and believing with faith the size of a mustard seed, that’s all I need, and  I wouldn’t turn away. The Holy Spirit gives us grace and when we seek Him first, He shows us the healing through his ways. 

He shows us what love really looks like. 

He shows us what life was really meant to feel/live like. 

Truth is, when we realize the tainted areas of ourselves that bring shame, disgust, and other deadening emotions – God already knows all of this from the beginning to the end.  

A life with Christ is never about reaching perfection or righting all the wrongs. Yes, we need to repent and turn away from old things but the reason is because what we are created for is REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. God wants us to seek Him.  To get back to this, we need to be honest with ourselves and come to God with an open heart. 

Don’t worry about what your parents/family did (or are doing), don’t worry about what those people said, don’t worry about what the enemy tries to trip you up with. Come to God and earnestly seek to learn his character, and in turn you will understand who you really are. Forgiving ourselves and each other isn’t about forgetting and excusing the wrongdoings, its about fully opening our hearts to be healed and transformed through His love and forgiveness. 

Good things take time. 

Healthy relationships take time and effort. 

Identity is not blurry or confusing, and certainly not “fluid”. 

You are who you are because God created you and he is inviting you into his presence. It’s not scary or disappointing to need healing (a lie I once believed). 

God knew you and your troubles before you could even understand or comprehend any detail of this life. 

We are so loved. We are not perfect and things are not always going to be the way that they are. There is a season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3), and the Holy Spirit gives us grace and guidance through it all. 

God is author and perfecter of faith (Hebrews 12). Don’t let anyone’s actions define God, and by all means don’t allow the enemy’s toxicity to paralyze you. 

Fight the good fight (2 Timothy 4:7). Fight for your mind and your heart (its never too late to start). God has already won this war, you don’t need to worry about the little battles in this life. 

I’m not inviting apathy or carelessness by encouraging those who read this not to worry about anything. I’m trying to invoke a new perspective on the lies that once enveloped my mind, and may be doing the same in yours. 

I’m writing about full surrender. About understanding that we don’t need to be obsessed with hitting the mark every time and suddenly spiraling down a rabbit hole of fear, shame, guilt, anxiety, and self-hatred when condemnation seeps in. 

We have the power to fight. You are not left to your own devices (Ephesians 6), and no matter how long it takes you to get out of the rabbit hole just know that the Holy Spirit is with you. There’s so much more that I could go on about, but my point is that healing is not a simple equation for us to figure out or solve. 

Healing is found in the truth. The truth that sets us free (John 8:32). Life is continuous. It goes on and on until the end of time. There isn’t anything new under the sun, but no matter what era, century, year, or day you are alive during – God cares and He is there. God knows the beginning and the end. We don’t need to worry, we just need to trust in Him. We need to stand firm in His promise and persevere. He doesn’t leave us alone to figure all this out. We have the Holy Spirit, and we have our identity in Christ. 

We need God’s strength everyday, not just when we want something or go through something. ‘Christ is risen’ applies to every day, every person, and every situation. 

The enemy can try all he wants to disarm believers, and sometimes we do fall and claim defeat. God calls us to Him, and He draws us near, no matter how many times we have to get back up and keep going. 

Just remember that it’s all a process and God is faithful. God wants to hear us tell Him our joys and all our troubles in this life. Allow yourself to seek God, yourself. Don’t base your faith or who God is simply on your environment or the people surrounding you. Ask God for depth and pure, whole-hearted relationship with Him. 

You won’t be disappointed. You’ll soon learn what true love looks like, and the depths that bring you the greatest of peace and comforts. 

Self love and daily affirmations

daily affirmations & bible verses

If you’re anything like me, you may experience burnout pretty often. Between work, school, responsibilities, and trying to squeeze in some fun once in a while — it can seem like there aren’t enough hours in the day and you can’t get anything done. I constantly need to re-route the thoughts in my mind that say I’m not enough, I can’t do this or that, or that I’m all alone in my problems & issues. 

These things make me feel so vulnerable and I feel guilt and shame for just for having a bad day or feeling down & anxious. 

If this is you, I want you to know that you aren’t alone & that this is not the end. There’s so much more for you. God has created you exactly as you are and he loves you. There isn’t any single person on the earth, nor that has ever lived that is an exception to that. 

Sometimes we need to shine a little light in our own lives, and we can do that by seeking God. For instance, I’m overwhelmed at moment with homework, laundry, and preparing for another week at work. These things may seem silly and there isn’t anything wrong with those tasks. These are mundane things that I do regularly – but, when I’m running my to-do list, anxiety creeps in. I start worrying about days that haven’t even come to pass. I want to be living here & now. I want to take a minute to BREATHE. 

If you’re feeling anxious and you’re thoughts are spiraling: 

  1. You are not alone 
  2. Take a minute to BREATHE 
  3. Sit somewhere quiet and read the daily affirmations (in the picture above), changing ‘you’ for ‘I’ 
  4. Jot down the Bible verses alongside the affirmations & highlight them in your bible 
  5. Remember that whatever you are feeling does not reflect who or how you are – but is simply the stress you feel in your current situation 

It is difficult, when feeling down/anxious/emotional to separate our situation with our individual being and relationship with God. If you’re anything like me, you may internalize your emotions and your thoughts tend to dictate how you may feel about yourself. Just know that those NEGATIVE THOUGHTS WILL LEAVE. Even at 23, I am still learning what self-love is. Sometimes it is just taking a moment to say “hey, you are loved.” “You are beautiful.” “You are unique – and there isn’t anything wrong with that.” 

Don’t let the enemy steal your joy, take your happiness and convince you of anything opposite to what God says about you and who you are. 

This spiritual battle that we fight – it begins in our mind. 

STAND YOUR GROUND. Flip those negative thoughts into bible verses and positive affirmations. We are all loved. We are all forgiven. We all exist and have a purpose that is handpicked by God. Don’t let the enemy deter you from your truth. Pain is real and life has some bad times. No matter the reason for what you are feeling, YOU ARE YOU! There isn’t any better way to be! 💛